Homesick for the Holidays

Everyone keeps telling me…. ‘The first year away from your family is the hardest, especially the first Christmas’.  And they have been right.  There have been many tears shed over this fact. Homesick.

I love it here in Washington.  The scenery looks just like it does in the books…but a 1000% better.  It is just something that has to be seen in person to appreciate it. God is truly awesome.  Awe.

I love that my husband finally has a job that he loves and he is actually excited about.  He has a great boss and good co-workers.  This has been an absolute blessing for him.  It’s been a blessing to us.  Pride.

I love that I was able to land a job right away once we moved here.  I really like the job.  It is different but the same from what I did before.  I can get along with anyone and I have never found anyone that I can’t get along with, yet it has happened.  It has made it hard for me at work.  Mainly because I take everything personally, and I want to do a good job.  I try not to let it get to me, but I am weak right now.  Challenged.

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The part that I struggle with the most is that the children are not adjusting well at all.  I feel so guilty that we have uprooted them and moved them to new schools.  I feel worse for my oldest and he is a Senior this year.  He has to jump over obstacles in order to graduate under Washington State graduation standards… which are different and time consuming.  It breaks my heart that he can’t graduate with his buddies back in Indiana.  He says as soon as he graduates, he is out of here.  No more Washington for him. Guilt.

I feel about the same for my daughter who is a Junior this year.  She was in an activity that she loved back at her old high school, andthey do not offer it out here.  This was apart of her identity. This is such a blow to her, and she has gone into a deep depression over it. Her identity is lost. I worry about her.  I want that sparkle back in her eye.   I feel that we took that from her.  Guilt.

We thought the youngest one would be the easiest since he is in 5th grade and would fit in and make friends quickly.  Boy were we wrong.  He has struggled making friends.  The kids in his grade are mean to him and make fun of his ‘accent’.  He has always had a bit of a speech impediment when it comes to the ‘R’ sound.  All of his old classmates loved him for who he was and he had several friends… and now he feels alone.  Guilt. I am hopeful that time will help change this for him.  The past few weeks he has shown promise of a friend in his class.  I am hoping that we can nurture that and start play dates for him.  Hopeful.

There are so many mixed emotions for me this Christmas season.  I feel the guilt that we are not with our families, I feel pain for my kids because they cannot see their friends, my husband who is missing his family…. the list can go on and on.

We are working on making new memories with the family this year.  Since we are in a new place, we are trying new things.  I am hoping this excites the kids and helps with our homesickness.

Happy Birthday Jesus.  May this part of Christmas not be lost over the next few days.

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